storyshell

COP: Okay. Sit down, Mr. Cook. Some coffee? Care for sugar … or SPICE? Now, you know why we’re here, right Mr. Cook?

MR. COOK: Yeah. You’re trying to railroad me.

COP: No, Mr. Cook. You are railroading yourself. No, you’re here because, evidence shows that you were present when the victim, we’ll call her “Ginger,” was allegedly created. Correct?

MR. COOK: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

COP: Sure you don’t. Okay. Now, Mr.Cook, do you know what little girls are made of?

MR. COOK: No, I don’t.

COP: Really? Are you saying that you have never constructed a little girl?

MR. COOK: That’s absurd.

COP: Really? Mr. Cook, do you know what this is?

[The COP slams a silver bowl of sugar cubes in front of MR. COOK.]

MR. COOK: Yes. Those are sugar cubes.

COP: Indeed they are.

MR. COOK: Everyone uses sugar cubes.

COP: Does everyone combine it with THIS?

[The COP slams down a silver bowl filled with a dark brown, granular powder.]

MR. COOK: What is that?

COP: Oh, I think you know what that is.

MR. COOK: I don’t.

COP: That’s spice, Mr. Cook.

MR. COOK: What kind of spice?

COP: I don’t know. It’s spice. You know, spicy spice. The kind that you use when you need a spice. Yes, spice. Common spice.

MR. COOK: Common spice?

COP: Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.

MR. COOK: I’m not acting.

COP: You play it tight, Mr. Cook. But, see, I’ve been here before. You haven’t.

[The COP pulls out an empty silver bowl.]

COP: Mr. Cook. We’re going to try a little experiment here. I hope I get it right.

MR. COOK: What are you going to do?

COP: Oh, I think you know.

MR. COOK: A magic trick?

COP: Yeah. Real magic.

[The COP pulls out a spoon and looks at MR. COOK. MR. COOK shrugs.]

MR. COOK: I’ll take my coffee straight.

COP: Very funny. You may need something stronger than coffee after you see this.

MR. COOK: Oh, okay. Then I’ll take brandy. Still, no sugar though. Or common spice.

[The COP scoops a half spoonful of sugar cubes out of the bowl and drops them into the empty bowl.]

COP: Look like enough?

MR. COOK: Enough? Sure. Whatever.

COP: Okay. Now …

[The COP scoops a spoonful of spice from the other bowl, and drops it in with the sugar cubes.]

COP: Ah, did I do that right, Mr. Cook?

[MR. COOK swallows.]

MR. COOK: Well, congratulations, officer. You know how to use a spoon.

COP: You know what else I can use, Mr. Cook? I think you do.

[The COP leans forward.]

COP: I can use a little something NICE, Mr. Cook. You know where I can get something NICE?

[MR. COOK swallows hard.]

MR. COOK: You’re wasting your time. This makes no sense.

COP: Or, I can just use this …

[The COP pulls out a tail.]

COP: Know what this is, Mr. Cook? It’s a puppy dog tail, Mr. Cook. You know, one of the key ingredients for constructing little boys. Snakes, snails, puppy dog tails. Sound familiar, Mr. Cook?

[The COP looks menacingly at the tail.]

COP: Hmmm. Since we can’t find something nice, I suppose we can use this. I mean, what could happen? It might even be interesting to see what happens when we mix sugar, spice, and puppy dog tails. What do you think will happen, Mr. Cook? Should we even be toying with such things? Do you know, Mr. Cook?

[MR. COOK begins to look upset. His forehead begins to glisten with sweat.]

MR. COOK: You, um, aren’t going to … I mean, that isn’t danger- … I mean …

COP: What do you MEAN, Mr. Cook?

[The COP lowers the tail closer to the bowl.]

MR. COOK: You shouldn’t …

[MR. COOK begins to stammer.]

COP: I shouldn’t what?

[The COP lowers the tail even more.]

MR. COOK: You don’t know what …

COP: What don’t I know? You’ve got to tell me what I don’t know, Mr. Cook. That’s the only reason I have you here, really. Tell me what I don’t know, Mr. Cook.

[The COP lowers the tail so that it is less than a half inch from the bowl.]

MR. COOK: You can’t … !

COP: Can’t what?

[He drops the tail into the bowl.]

MR. COOK: Oh my GOD!

[MR. COOK stands and dives into a corner.]

 

(No puppy dogs were harmed in the conception or creation of this story.)